I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
