my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
