Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
