please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
