once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
