Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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