he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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