so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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