Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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