I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
