I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize