Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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