Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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