Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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