I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize