I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
