He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
