Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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