He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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