I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
