she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize