I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
