My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
