dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
And then he peed in my hair
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