I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
