I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
