she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
