My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
