My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
