Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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