Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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