hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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