3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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