I am spending my child support on dildos
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
