If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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