my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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