That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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