He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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