I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize