so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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