You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
