Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
