Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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