i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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