I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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