why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
