i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
