Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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