I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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