WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
