3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
