It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
