The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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