I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
