I CAN MOONWALK!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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