I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
