I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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