You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
