she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sext me about skeletons
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
