So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
