It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
