I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
