I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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