I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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