I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
