I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize