ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
areolas are like halos for boobs.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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