I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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