She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
