Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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